It's Fall and Marriage Monday has started up again! Join us as we encourage one another and lift up the sanctity of Marriage! This month's topic:
COMMUNICATION
Want this button?I come from a family of MIND READERS, or at least that's what we tend to believe. To say I come from a family of NON-Communicators would be an understatement. I grew up being parented by a Single Mom who due to her upbringing and personality, could be quite passive. My maternal Grandmother (my OMI) was a force to be reckoned with and had her own agenda in life. Pretty much my mother and my grandfather (my OPI) let her rule the roost. Living in Germany through the horrors of World War 2 and then its occupation, one had to be strong if you were going to survive. Coupled with the fact that my Omi & Opi had lost 2 children, before my Mom was born in their latter years, its understandable why my Omi was overprotective and downright smothering of my Mom.
(My Omi & Opi and my Mother, refugees, 1948.)
My father's raising was different but equally difficult. He was raised by a Single Mom and then later had an abusive stepfather who was also an alcoholic. My Paternal Grandmother made many sacrifices (going hungry so my father and my Uncle had foot to eat) and worked hard manual labor, picking and chopping cotton out in the fields to provide for her boys. With no strong, Godly role model in his life, my father by the time he was 16 was a wild, young man.
(My Grandmother with my father, left and my Uncle on the right, *1941)
My parents met when my father was stationed in Germany in 1958. They fell in love, were married and I was born 3 weeks after my Mother came to America.
(My parents dancing at the Oasis Club when he was stationed in Friedberg, Germany, 1958)
Sadly they divorced when I was just 6 years old. I had many insecurities as a little girl and like many children I figured that their divorce was somehow
MY fault. So many of my experiences shaped and molded the decisions that I made as I grew older. My bad choices were exactly that, MINE and mine alone, still it helps to understand the WHYS of life.
I looked for security and stability in relationships with men. I didn't grow up knowing that the ultimate relationship to have is one with Jesus Christ, the lover of my soul! By the time I was 24 I had been married twice, divorced twice & had 2 precious daughters, Jennifer and Jessica. I had given the keys of my life to Christ and told him to drive, I was the passenger and he was in control. When I finally surrendered my life I always envision God sighing a huge sigh of relief and rolling up His sleeves, saying,
"At last, I can bless her life and give her the things MY heart desires for her!"One of the many blessings I received was my husband Dave. We met in the Singles Sunday School class at our church and after becoming good friends, we fell in love. Dave has a very strong personality and can be brutally honest. He is a straight shooter and doesn't mince words. I wish I could say that I had the communication thing worked out the instant I became a Christian but I didn't. My insecurities reared their ugly head every time we had words or Dave voiced his displeasure or disappointment. In that instant satan would whisper his lies into my ears,
"It's only a matter of time before Dave leaves you just like every other man in your life has left you."Sadly I believed the lie and lived in bondage and fear for many years.
I could write a post in and of itself of the miraculous transformation that occurred within me 11 years ago. God revealed Himself to me and I understood in that instant that my identity, worth and value was found in Him, I was HIS, the apple of His eye!! I could never have known the ripple effect that would come from that revelation! The bondage that had held me captive for so long, the fear that if I wasn't perfect that I would be alone again, was gone!
One of the transformations that occurred was that our marriage took on an intimacy level that I never knew existed! I never knew that I could have open communication with another human being and not be afraid to share the depths of myself with them! Another by-product of my liberation was that Dave changed as well. He is still forthright and honest but he has lost his edge and is more sensitive when he speaks.
(Dave and I, Yellowstone National Park August 2011)
We have been through many things together, most recently my Mother dying of cancer and his own cancer diagnosis and surgery 3 months ago. Recently he told me that I am his very best friend and that there is no one else he'd rather spend his time with, than me.
For someone who grew up in the midst of dysfunction and insecurity all I can say is that only God can perform a miracle like that!!
(Arches National Park, June 2006)
(Park Avenue hike, Arches NP, June 200.)
(Bryce Canyon National Park, June 2006)
(Queen's Garden Trail, Bryce Canyon National Park, June 2006)
(Grand Canyon National Park, June 2006)
