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God’s very first commandment to men and women was to “be fruitful and multiply.” Over the past three years, we’ve discussed a wide variety of topics on Marriage Monday, but we’ve never covered one of the most obvious fruits of our conjugal love—our kids!
Seeking Your Submission
In the spirit of "back-to-school," please select one of the titles listed below. Remember, you're the expert and your choice will be perfect for YOU. I can’t wait to read your entry on Monday, Sept. 13, 2010.
1. Raising Boys: What NOT to Do
2. Public, Private, or Homeschool? Why our Decision Works for Us
3. Killer Time Management for Busy Families
4. Favorite Books Our Kids Will Keep Forever
RAISING BOYS" WHAT NOT TO DO!
Having a son was pretty foreign to me. My mother and father only had me. My father was divorced when he met my mom in Germany and had fathered 4 children in his first marriage. After my parents divorced, he and my stepmother had 5 children. That makes 10 children! I have always joked that I am an only child from a large family! I was never initiated into the world of boys when I was growing up since my Mother raised me as a single Mom. My loss!
My husband Dave on the other hand, is the oldest of 3 boys and was clueless about living in "Girlieville" so we probably balanced each other very well! When Dave and I were talking about marriage, he said all he'd ever wanted was 2 children. Get this, he had always wanted a daughter named Jennifer and what are the odds that I already had one of those? Throw another little girl into the mix and needless to say, we weren't planning on having any more children. God had other ideas and I unexpectedly found myself pregnant. Dave just knew we were going to have a boy and his name had already been established long ago. Dave and his best friend Charlie Moore met in High School. The 2 of them were inseparable, where you'd find one the other would be close by. The 2 of them agreed way back then, that if they ever had sons, they'd name them after each other.
Charlie married Brenda (who is now one of MY best friends) and when they had their son, after having 2 daughters first, they named him David Charles. They might have wondered if Dave was ever going to reciprocate since he was a bachelor for so long. At the age of 31, Dave became a father and imagine his surprise that his "son" was actually a beautiful baby girl! While I was pregnant he had said that this was definitely IT, no more kids. He wasn't quite so adamant after having a 3rd daughter.
We decided to give it another try and hopefully have a boy. I remember having the ultrasound done about 7 weeks before our son was born. The Tech asked us if we wanted to know the sex of our baby. Dave's reply, "Absolutely! If I'm having another girl I need to prepare myself!" As it turned out, Dave was finally going to get his boy!
Dave with David Charles----Charlie with our Charles David! November 1990
Our son Charles David Hopkins and David Charles Moore. October 2009
A mother remembers every detail about when her children are born. The thing that stands out in my mind when I held our "Charles David" for the very first time was how "complete" I felt. Moms will tell you that there is something special about having a son and there is! My daughter Jennifer knows it now, since they've had Joel.
My son's birthday! When he was little his nickname was: BUBBIE, now I call him "The Bub".
WHAT NOT TO DO?Think that boys and girls are exactly alike!
Suddenly I was ushered into Boy World. Broken bones, broken windows, stitches, rock throwing, curb jumping, Boy Scouts, farting, burping, stinky feet, gigantic shoes, smelling like wet puppies and laughing over the dumbest things! Suffice it to say, boys are incredibly different than girls and I wouldn't trade it for the world! My little boy was naturally the cutest and sweetest of any ever born! He still is to this day!
Flying with his Grandpa (in my Pop's plane.)
WHAT NOT TO DO?Think that this season of diapers and neediness will last forever!! Trust me, it doesn't!
What an experience it is to be the mother of a little boy. In their eyes there's no one like their Mom and if Dad hadn't beaten them to it, they would've married her first! I remember sending him off to Kindergarten and suddenly there was another woman in his life! He was smitten but when the school year ended, guess who was number one again? At least for the summer anyway until he had Mrs Doyle in first grade.
In Mrs. Doyle's 1st Grade Class. He's holding his best friend, Mr. Mouse.
WHAT NOT TO DO?Take life too seriously! Humor is the best weapon to diffuse a situation some times!
I remember an incident in High School with an experiment in his Chemistry class. He came home all excited and told me how a person could take a raw egg and by applying equal pressure squeezing it, it wouldn't burst! He got an egg out of the refrigerator and proceeded to demonstrate it to me. Suddenly the egg burst and shot egg whites and yolk all over my face! I was in shock and he was horrified to see that the end result was not the same as in school. He began apologizing repeatedly when suddenly I just burst out laughing! It REALLY was hysterically funny and I knew it wasn't intentional! I could always wash my hair but he and I shared a hilarious moment that we still talk about to this day!
Charlie will DO ANYTHING for a good laugh!
WHAT NOT TO DO?Stifle the sensitivity you see in your son! Yes, boys should be raised, developing the traits and instincts that God has placed within them to make them the unique person He has created them to be; eventually becoming the High Priest of their Home and Family! God loves a man who is tender and caring, Jesus gives us the ultimate example!
One of my favorite memories is from 10 years ago. My 86 year old Grandmother had been hospitalized back in St. Louis in the final stages of cancer. I dropped everything and packed up our daughter Laura and Charlie and went to St. Louis to be with her. When Charlie was 2 years old, my Grandma had given him a stuffed mouse for Christmas that Charlie named, "Mr. Mouse.". The 2 of them were inseparable; we even suffered a couple of close calls with misplacing "Mr. Mouse" but managed to get him back where he belonged.
Charlie, Mr. Mouse and brand new cowboy boots, fast asleep on Daddy on his 3rd birthday!
Charlie LOVED that mouse. After our last visit with Grandma in the hospital, Charlie gave her "Mr. Mouse" so she wouldn't be alone. To this day, I choke back tears when I think of my little boy, 9 years old at the time, parting with his most prized possession. Grandma was released from the hospital to live out her last days at home and she told my Dad that after she was gone to make sure that "Mr. Mouse" made his way back to Charlie. Now whenever I go into Charlie's bedroom and see Mr. Mouse on his bed, I can't help but miss that sweet little boy that is no longer a boy, he's now a man!
Mr. Mouse keeps vigil on Charlie's bed...
WHAT NOT TO DO?The best way to discourage your son or any child for that matter is to be unsupportive of them. Whether it's their dreams to be an Athlete or an Actor, they need to know you believe in them! Charlie wanted to drive a garbage truck or be an ice cream man when he was in 1st Grade! I let him know that as long as he was happy and honored God in his work, he could be anything-do anything, he strived for!
The Bub has passion and what he has been most passionate about, is the weather! His interest started back in 1999 after Dave happened to be in Oklahoma City on business the same time those infamous F-5 tornadoes tore through the state! It ripped through less than a mile from his hotel room. After that, he couldn't get enough! Lest you think I'm joking, do you know of any 9 year old boys who wished that the Weather Channel had made a CD of the music they played? Every time the TV was on, it was on the Weather Channel. Watch out Jim Cantori, I know someone who is after your job! His passion has not subsided in 11 years! During this time he has watched every special and DVD ever made on the subject, checked out all the weather related books from his school library's as well as the Public Library and has every weather gadget ever invented! In 8th grade he was the Weatherman for his school's televised morning announcements. Ask him any question you can think of and I KNOW for a fact, he can answer it! Want to know why thunder makes that noise, just ask him! Needless to say, I am very impressed, and proud too, naturally!
WHAT NOT TO DO?Don't say yes to everything! Too many parents are afraid that their kids won't like them if they tell them no. SERIOUSLY?! That's just plain stupid! Kids need boundaries and feel more secure when they know what they are! They don't need another friend, they need someone who will do the tough job of not indulging them and take the actions necessary to rein them back in!! Trust me, be a parent and when they're adults, they become your friends and that is priceless!
One year, he saved his money to buy a video camera. Aww..that's nice you might say. The reason for the video camera, was to tape severe weather! I think he had this notion that when the skies turned dark, I'd throw him into my car and we'd go bouncing down the road looking for twisters! Sorry, my encouragement only goes so far and then good ol' common sense kicks in! Obviously I did not say YES to this idea.
WHAT NOT TO DO?Don't be so regimented! Don't get me wrong, I believe education is important and should be a priority. Since we stressed that with our kids growing up, grades weren't an issue so I didn't have a problem with letting them miss school on occasion. My kids never won a Perfect Attendance Award growing up because I intentionally let them have a Hookey Day. Hookey Day was a reward for working hard in school and doing a good job; a day that was all about them! It was great to spend one on one time with them, allowing them to set the agenda (within parameters) for the day!
As any good mom, I have done my best to encourage his passion. He's in his 2nd year of basics in College here in Texas and then next Fall will transfer to OU's (University of Oklahoma) School of Meteorology. When he was in 5th grade I sent an e-mail to the NBC station in Dallas and arranged a meeting with their Meteorologist. She was great and explained everything to him about how she does her job and then we got to watch a live broadcast! That was pretty cool!
Touring the NBC station in Dallas and meeting the Meteorologist!
Another year I got the name of the guy who runs NOAA here in Ft Worth and arranged a meeting with him. Charlie liked this even more because it was less TV related and more storm related. I let him play hookey from school when Hurricane Katrina made landfall knowing that it was one of those weather phenomenon that would be remembered for years. He went on to put together a PowerPoint Presentation complete with music and photos of the devastation to show at school. He really has passion!
Charles David Hopkins, age 16
When he was young he used to look a lot like me. Now he's a man about to turn 20 and while I still see glimpses of myself in his face, he is his own unique person. Once when he was 10, I showed him a photo of me and my older half-siblings that was taken when I was 10 years old as well. He looked at it and said, "Who are these people in this picture with me?" I had to laugh but then I said, "If that's you, what are you doing in a mini skirt and go-go boots?!"
That's me in the boots!
Class of 2009
Charles, High School Graduation, June 2009
We sure had some wonderful, happy times back then. When did my little boy grow up? One day I was buying him underoos and the next day I was buying him a razor! He's still the same sweet, considerate and sensitive Bubbie that he was when he was a little boy. He's taller than me and has some pretty witty comebacks these days but he's still my little boy. Some things, not even the passage of time will ever change! How glad I am that I got to experience the joys of mothering a son. It's been an experience for me to watch this journey into manhood and I wouldn't trade it for the world.
The Bub and I on Mother's Day 2010
I am ready to go!
