STILL STANDING

In light of all that we are going through, I will try and do a little writing so I can have a sense of normalcy in my life.

We live our lives as if we are untouchable and when we DO have a traumatic event come up in our lives, it's as if we've had the rug pulled out from underneath our feet. I'm no different I guess...I have always had a scenario in my mind about how things would be and now I realize that all of that can change, in the blink of an eye.

Death doesn't frighten me for I know that my eternity has been bought and paid for by the blood of my Savior Jesus Christ. What makes me anxious these days is my concerns for Pop and how he will cope with the loss of my Mother. Barring Divine Intervention this will happen in the near future. I am sad for myself as well. I am very close to my Mom, we've shared so much together all the way back to when she was a struggling single Mom. She has had a lot to overcome in her lifetime and it has left her weary. Still, even this past Saturday on my final visit over Thanksgiving, she's not ready to give up yet.

My Mom and I are very different personalities but losing her will hit me hard! I already feel a bit lost and she is still here, I can not imagine how it will be later...I try not to dwell on that.

I have felt the undeniable power of the Holy Spirit sustaining me these last 6 months. He has empowered me to be, say and DO what has been required, at just the exact moment. God has been very near to me, wrapping His arms of comfort around me and has just let me sit "on His lap" and pour my heart out to Him.

I appreciate something a sweet sister in Christ (Lidj) wrote after losing her precious husband:

"As a Mother I am called to be the "family remembrancer", the one who remembers, the one who points out the signposts. I am also the gatekeeper, the watchman who stands guard, the priest who intercedes and who holds the cup of God's healing oil.
MAY I BE FOUND FAITHFUL!"

At the time I wrote this down on a 4x6 card I had no idea what was waiting down the road for us. God reminds me that I have a purpose in life and it is to bring glory to Him and point others towards Him. My children need to know that God is in control, that hasn't changed! We may be surrounded by difficulties and trials but God is faithful and will never allow us to slip from His grip. Separation is painful but it is only temporary in the light of eternity.

God does ALL things well, He is good, ALL the time!

THANKFULNESS

My list continues:

21.) I am thankful for sight. We take it for granted and yet try to imagine no longer having it? It would be so devastating! Those orbs that our Creator fashioned process information and translates it back to the brain giving us a visual picture! Is it any wonder that evolution takes more faith for me to believe in than our magnificent God, our Heavenly Father.

22.) Thankful for coffee with Hazelnut creamer! Nuf said!

23.) Thankful for my memories, they might be a tad fuzzy as I get older but there has been a lifetime of fun, smiles, being loved and giving love!

24.) Thankful that what the enemy intended as harm for me God has used for my good and His glory!

25.) Thankful for the sound of Dave's laughter! Marriage is all about sharing our sorrows but also the hilarious!

26.) Thankful for special friends in my life. I have 4 women that meet different areas of my life with their friendship. One is my mentor and one, I mentor! They are "level 10" relationships and are ALWAYS there for me.

27.) Pecan Pie!! Oh my goodness! Heaven in a crust!!

28.) The feel of grand-children's arms around my neck and hearing, "I love you GIGI". There is no sweeter music to my ears!

29.) Books! I LOVE to read and I love to learn!

30.) Thankful for HOPE. Even when life doesn't go according to OUR plans, we know that God has a future planned for us that we can't even begin to think or imagine!

We are heading home to St. Louis this afternoon for Thanksgiving vacation and I will be absent for a bit. Please pray for the usual traveling mercies but also please pray for us emotionally. This is the first holiday where now BOTH of Dave's parents are gone. We'll be staying at my in-law's home but it will be very different! The house is almost empty since the estate auction in October and I am sure this will be difficult for my beloved!

Please pray for me. I will be seeing my Mom for the first time since July. The chemo has robbed her of her hair, 45 pounds and has left visible reminders of its effects. I don't want to look shocked when I see her, she doesn't need that from me! Also, she told me last night that she has had a set back, her pain has returned and they had to do a cat scan. We will know the results soon but I admit, I am fearful that the tumor is growing and that THIS treatment isn't working either. In my heart I can't help but wonder if this isn't going to end according to MY plans. Please pray that my hope is strengthened!

GIVING THANKS LIST

Continuing on from yesterday, focusing on the numerous blessings in my life (in no particular order):

11.) I am thankful that even though I DO have health issues, I am still better off than so many others!

12.) My love for the outdoors! There's nothing like putting on my hiking boots, loading up my Camelbak and then being blown away by God's handiwork!

13.) Thankful that Dave is the best hiking partner for me! I am slower than him but his love of photography means he's constantly looking for photo ops and I can keep up!

14.) Dave's photography skills! A trip lives on forever through his artistry!

15.) Financially, God has always met our needs and then some!

16.)I have been to Germany several times when I was a child so that I could visit my grandparents and experience my mother's culture!!(My Mother & Grandmother)

17.)My love for preservation! Whether it's a special keepsake like my Grandmother's trunk, family photos or working on the Family Genealogy, I am a Memory Keeper!

18.) Our modest home! I don't need anything fancy, I am as content as can be, right here, right now in my double-wide!

19.) That God has given us opportunities to bless others with our time, talents and resources!

20.) Autumn!! it's my favorite time of the year! Wearing sweaters, crunching leaves, pumpkin pie, caramel apples, golden colors and fires in the fireplace!

SLUMP

Since I have been AWOL for quite some time I thought I should make my presence known so I won't be forgotten! I decided to work on a Thanksgiving List, things I am thankful for...in no particular order:

1.) My relationship with Jesus Christ-He has saved me for eternity & gives me the abundant life NOW to bring glory to His awesome name!

2.) Dave-I've been blessed to have shared my life with this wonderful man for over 1/2 my life now!

3.) My daughter Jennifer-she is so thoughtful and one of her many wonderful qualities is that she has the ability to make you feel loved with her "special touches" and attention to detail!

4.) My daughter Jessica-For her sweet sensitivity and her caring heart which is easily broken for others who are hurting!

5.) My daughter Laura-Her love language is gift-giving & she is always looking for something personal to give someone to convey her deepest feelings!

6.) My son Charles-His sense of humor & wit can brighten the darkest day & put a smile on my face!

7.) My mother Helga-Her sacrifices when I was a child & the values she instilled in me, have made me what I am today!

8.) My step dad "Pop"- He has loved me as one of his own over the years & my children as well. He tenderly & unselfishly cares for my Mom right now when she is at her most vulnerable battling cancer!

9.)My biological father Jim-I am grateful that God has restored that relationship & that God has healed me from those childhood hurts!

10.) My paternal grandmother who loved me to pieces when I was a little girl & could always put a calm & a peace over me when I was feeling tossed about!

Now that is a good start! I have much to be grateful for and I am just getting started!

BLOCKED

Too much on my heart these days to write anything worthwhile or unworthwhile.
Tis the season right now......