CASA OLE RESTAURANT

Yesterday was a good day. I get to hook up with my BBF (Best Bloggy Friend) Connie Marie for the first time. Connie (isn't that a wonderful name?) and I have been bloggy buddies for several years. We came to know about one another through a common book which we listed in our profiles on Blogger. The book is titled "Ada Blackjack" and it tells the story of a young Inuit woman hired on as a seamstress and cook for the Wrangell Island Expedition in 1923. She was the lone survivor. I have said before that stories about REAL people are so much more interesting to me than a romance novel! Connie Marie lives in Alaska with her wonderful husband, children and grandchildren. She's a beautiful Christian woman that loves the Lord and her family, a delight to be around!

She and her husband are wrapping up a 3 week vacation here in the lower 48 and we had hoped for the opportunity to meet. I've been following her travels and yesterday it all came to fruition! Connie Marie told me that they were coming through Waco and asked if that would work out. Fortunately I have a very accomodating job and I made the arrangements. I made the 2 hour drive and enjoyed the wildflowers that are still covering the Texas roadsides along I-35. I got to the restaurant and met their friend Sandi and we chatted while we waited for them to arrive from Galveston. They arrived, we hugged and soon we were joined by Sandi's parents. They have all known each other a long time and they graciously shared their time as to include me.

I love that, in Christ, we are not strangers! The 6 of us enjoyed one another's company and laughed; they made me feel so welcomed. Only God can do the things that He does so well! He is the Great Conductor that orchestrates the details of our lives and makes beautiful music. I never dared to hope that one day we'd get the opportunity to meet and yesterday we had lunch together! Not only that, I got to make new friends on top of it.

And to think it all came about because of reading a book!

Connie Marie and I outside of Case Ole Restaurant.

CHANGES

I am feeling reflective, contemplative even this morning. Change is all around me. Now I am a very adaptable person, I have dealt with lots of changes in my lifetime both good and stressful. I am fortunate that my easy-going nature goes with the flow on most things. Things like Dave saying,
"I got the promotion and we're moving to Colorado".
Charlie was born 2 days later and in 2 weeks Dave was gone to Coloado to start his new position while I orchestrated a move, juggled children and tended a newborn. No, I am not Wonder Woman, one just does what needs to be done.

Dave was in Memphis this week for work. I don't sleep well when he's gone. This probably sounds crazy but I even miss his snoring!!! I think it has become "white noise" to my ears while I am in REM sleep! Ha Ha!

Early in our marriage, I took him for granted as I am certain he did with me. Let's face it, we all do it even though we vow on our wedding day that we would never do such a thing. This thing called LIFE comes along and before we know it, little people are in our lives demanding our time and energy and generally sucking the life out of us. Don't get me wrong, we prayed for these children but a little relief now and again would be nice! So you get sucked into the mundane, daily rituals of making a home run, getting your tasks performed and at days end, the call of the mattress is so appealing you just want to fall into bed only to get up and do it all over again! Not very exciting and it becomes easy to get caught up in the busy-ness of life.

Staying connected during those times was extremely difficult. Dave and I had seasons where we were more like room mates than lovers, proverbial ships passing in the night. In those days, I was weak in my communication skills. Poor communication can affect every area of your life leaving you feeling insecure, extra sensitive, insignificant and so on. Part personality, part life experiences all came together and left me with a huge deficit in talking as well as listening. I still struggle with this but I have made some progress over these many years. Dave's actually a very good communicator but his delivery is a bit on the weak side. You felt more like you had been gutted and fileted when he was done with you! Over the years he has become more sensitive and I have become thicker skinned. So change can be good...

I have a friend on my heart these days. I have known her for a VERY long time and only in this last year has she opened up to me about some really difficult things going on in her life. Her marriage is in crisis and they are at a cross roads. The children will be a casualty if this doesn't go well. WOW! I have been there both as a child and as a parent. It's actually easy at times, when you are on the outside looking in, to analyze someone ELSE'S situation and see how things can turn around if only they would (fill in the blank). How about when YOU are the one who feels like you're at the end of your rope and YOU don't see the obvious answer in front of you? Oh and let's not forget that simple little thing called "free will". No amount of anything on OUR part can change another's behavior unless THEY decide to make changes. If we could change our spouse would it still be free will?

I prayed for my friend and her husband, for satan to be bound and for truth to be revealed. I finished and continued working but found gratitude building in my heart. Gratitude that God had been a part of our early years in our marriage keeping us together even when we felt disconnected from one another. In spite of those struggles I think I had underestimated the power of God in a Christian marriage. Not that we were super spiritual or anything but we were walking with the Lord. This isn't an endictment against divorce because every situation is unique. Besides, given MY track record, I am the last person who is going to judge people who are in the midst of a difficult season and/or decision!

I found myself giving God the glory for our marriage and being thankful that he had carried us through some difficult times. I thought of Dave traveling home from his trip and how he was probably at the house right then and there. In part because he had been gone a couple of days but also in part because of my heart's attitude I was eager to get home and be with Dave. (Dave playing with one of our grand-daughters this weekend!)

Sure enough when I turned down our street and saw his car in the driveway my heart did a little "hic-cup". Even after all these years and all of our changes both good and stressful, this is the guy who can still make my heart beat a little faster!

God is good-all the time!

CRANKY PANTS!!!

Yup, it's official...I have turned into one of THOSE women! You know the kind...just plain crabby! It really isn't my fault you see, I just have a zero tolerance level when it comes to certain things. Ahhh...customer service, let's just say it ain't what it used to be!

Here is my irritating situation. I have been know to peruse and purchase from E-Bay. I have to be careful or else I will buy every pink, glass, depressionware piece that strikes my fancy. Being mindful of not going hog wild, I have to pick and choose carefully. One month ago, I won a set of 4 "Dogwood" pattern cups and saucers. I was so tickled to have gotten them and couldn't wait for them to arrive. The day of truth arrived and I carefully unwrapped each piece...4 saucers, 3 cups, 1 sugar bowl and 2 Limoges China Cups...huh? I looked them over again, searched for a note to see if the seller had decided to include them for the heck of it; I even double-checked my invoice to be certain I hadn't misread. Nope, the seller had made a mistake.

I immediately sent the seller an e-mail explaining what I had received and wondering why I had received what I did. They responded right away, apologized and asked if I would send the extra pieces back and they would reimburse me for the shipping. Apparently, they sent my missing cup to someone else. I insured the contents for $250 since I was pretty sure the Limoges China Cups were worth a little extra. I sent them an e-mail telling them what my shipping costs were and when to expect their package. Then I waited...

After not hearing from them for over a week, I sent another e-mail asking if they had received the package. Several days later they confirmed that they had. Since that time, I have sent 2 more e-mails inquiring as to the status of my missing cup. Nothing...Here's where the crabby factor is setting in. If I decide to return the items and seek reimbursement through Paypal I am pretty sure I am out all of my shipping costs. Heck, I am actually regretting sending the extra items back!

Needless to say, if this ever gets resolved, their feedback isn't going to be good. How about keeping in contact with your purchaser? I would rather they tell me that they are having difficulty getting the cup back from whomever mistakenly got it than just ignoring me! I really don't like to be ignored!

REMEMBERING

Ninety-Six years ago today, my precious Grandmother was born. I have a Genealogy Blog (which I have been horribly negligent with!) and I decided to post this (from there) on here today as I remember someone who was a major influence in my life. I love you and miss you Grandma but I know you are worshipping at the feet of our Savior and I wouldn't take that away from you for a second to have you back here with us!

My paternal Grandmother Arra Argusta McCollum was born April 13, 1914 in Alabama.
(Arra Argusta McCollum 5 months old.)

She was named after both of her parents, Argus Homer and Arra Elizabeth (Lizzie). Grandma was the 3rd child and 2nd daughter for their family. Grandpa Homer was a farmer and worked the coal mines to provide for the family. He was also a circuit preacher for the Missionary Baptist denomination. Eventually, the McCollum family settled in Missouri's "Bootheel". After my grandmother passed away in 2000 my father shared that she had felt disconnected from her own father, which now explains some of what I will share about her life's story.
(Grandma Arra on her 4th Birthday, 1918.)

My grandmother might be considered "loose" by some because of the things she did when she was a young woman. When she was 20 she found herself pregnant from a relationship she had been involved in. She never married the child's father and went on to have her daughter Joyce Ilene on May 4, 1934. She was a sickly baby and at the age of 10 weeks, passed away. (Grandma Arra with her daughter Joyce, 1934.)

(Joyce's grave, Malden, MO.)

Later my grandmother became involved with another man and once again found herself facing the prospect of being an unwed mother. It was during this pregnancy that her older brother James that she was closest to, went looking for work in Arizona. Her second child Carl Franklin McCollum was born February 4, 1936. Had she have known that Uncle James had just recently been murdered, I'm sure that my Uncle Carl would have been named after him rather than my own father. (Grandma Arra and Uncle Carl, 1936. I think Grandma resembles Amelia Earhart here!)

My grandmother never talked much about those days other than how hard it was. After my father had came along I know that she worked out in the fields picking and chopping cotton to provide for them as a family. On July 30, 1938, my father James Otis McConnell was born. (Arra and J. C. McConnell, 1938.)

Although my father's legal name is McConnell, J.C. was not his biological father. He married my grandmother before he was born, giving him his name. (J.C. McConnell holds my father along with Grandma Arra and Uncle Carl, 1938.)


My grandmother seemed to have been drawn to men who wouldn't treat her well. It is obvious to me that she had very low self-esteem and didn't realize that she deserved better. While J.C. was in prison, she divorced him and raised my dad and my Uncle Carl on her own. The story that runs in the family is that J.C. came to an ugly end shortly after being released from prison. He was killed when he was ran over with a thrashing machine! (Grandma with her boys, *1943.)

My father has told me that his childhood was pretty rough. He remembers them working hard in the fields and many times Grandma going hungry so that her boys wouldn't have to! They would go to Michigan and pick cherries, getting work wherever they could. The only father figure in her boys' life was my Great-Grandfather Homer, whom they always called, "Dad".

After WW2 my grandmother married Bud Chipman. A widower with a young daughter. Once again, my grandmother was drawn to the kind of man who would not treat her with the dignity, respect and love that she craved.
(Bud Chipman WW2.)

Uncle A.C. has shared with me that Grandpa beat her often and once, he and Grandpa Bud got into it for the way she was being treated. Still, my grandmother stuck it out, enduring humiliation time and time again. It was out of this family dysfunction, my father grew up to be a man. Grandpa Bud was an alcoholic and when he was drunk he became an ugly, mean and hateful person! Some of my earliest memories of him are family functions ruined by his meanness and drunkenness. I remember bruises on my grandmother and her buying herself a gun to protect herself! (The face of a toxic relationship, 1962.)

In the midst of all of this was my beloved Grandmother. She always made me feel so loved and safe when I was with her!
(Grandma and I, 1962.)

When I was 6 years old, my world crashed in on me as my parents got a divorce. I was the only child my Mutti had and I lived with her. We moved into the inner city of St Louis a block away from my paternal grandmother after she had found a job to support us. Even though Mutti was her EX daughter-in-law, my grandmother loved her DEEPLY. My Grandma was always there, for the BOTH of us. I remember Grandma buying us clothes at rummage sales, watching me before and after school and during the summers. She was one of the stabilizing points in my young life!


(Grandma & I at Forest park in St. Louis, 1968.)
One of the many embarassing things I remember from my childhood, was seeing Grandpa Bud passed out in the front yard after a night out of drinking with his buddies. I would be greeted at school with taunts of,
"Hey, I saw your Grandpa sleeping in the yard again this morning!"
Sometimes he would take me to the tavern with him if my Grandma had a doctor's appointment and wasn't back yet when I got home from school. He'd give me quarters to play pinball and buy me sodas while he would drink his beer. I wish now that I knew the reasons behind his drinking. Was he perpetuating a vicious cycle from his own growing up? Had something happened to him, to make him feel helpless in his own childhood? I suppose I'll never know!

When I was about 13, something drastic happened! At a doctor's appointment he was told he'd be dead within 6 months if he didn't stop drinking and so he did, Cold Turkey! To this day I am grateful to have had an opportunity to know the REAL Grandpa Bud. The man actually had a caring side and I would never have known that if he had continued to drink!
(Grandma Arra & Grandpa Bud, 1974. There is a peace in their relationship!)

He got his driver's license once again and purchased a car, a little, yellow Chevy Chevette. By this time, Grandma was no longer baby sitting me and the 2 of them could be seen, tooling around and making trips to Southeast Missouri to visit my great-grandma Lizzie. (Grandma Arra & Grandpa Bud, Southeast Missouri, 1976.)

I don't know if he had a relationship with the Lord because I never asked my Grandma. All I know is that after he had passed away in 1977, she was at peace about him! I will always be grateful that now when I think of Grandpa Bud, I have memories that are also sweet instead instead of only sad!
(Grandpa and I age 16, September 1976.)

After Grandpa Bud passed away Grandma seemed to grow in strength and grace in my eyes. She had always been a hard worker but she had bought a rental house a couple of years earlier and moved into the downstairs unit after selling the house she owned with Grandpa Bud. At this time, I was going through my own rebellion, not realizing that generational curses had been passed down through our family. I remember Grandma inviting me to live with her when I found myself divorced and a single Mom to my daughter Jennifer when I was only 19. I still recall telling her that if I was an adult enough to have made these decisions I needed to live up to my responsibilities. I'm guessing that between her life and my Mutti's upbringing, a sense of personal responsibility had been thoroughly ingrained into my being! I did remarry however and had my 2nd daughter Jessica but unfortunately, since I did not know the Lord, it really didn't stand a chance of survival either! I was enveloped in generational sin and had no idea of how to break free of it.

By 1984, I was bruised and broken and had turned my life over to the Lord to guide and control. My grandmother's (and many others) prayers for my salvation were answered! I would drive down into St Louis from St. Charles and take her to various doctor's appointments or grocery shopping since she didn't drive. I always loved being able to do for her because she was such an important part of my life. I learned so many things from her but one thing I learned in particular was generosity! Not only would she give you the shirt off of her back and all the money in her bank account, she gave of her time and her heart! That summer in 1984 I found myself a single Mom again, she bought me a more dependable car to thank me for all of the things I had done for her!

After giving the Lord the keys to my life, letting Him drive and beginning to grow in Him the Lord brought Dave into my life in 1985. Even though there have still been challenges and valleys, my life has been better than I have ever dared to hope or imagine! Right after Dave and I married, we moved away because of his job. Grandma and I wrote each other constantly and I was always sending her pictures of the children. Every time I was back in St Louis, I found myself drawn to spend time with her. Once again, she would tell me the stories of our family and once again I would find myself pouring through the family photo albums! There was another thing I found since I was living away from home; every time I saw her I was reminded that she was growing older. In 1988, we were living in Lincoln, Nebraska and we asked Grandma if she would like to watch Laura for a week while were on vacation. We were taking Jennifer and Jessica and would be camping and fishing out in a wilderness area. She was SO incredibly thrilled that we had asked her to do this for us! At the time, she was 74 years old and was living in a mobile home on the same property as my father. We knew she wasn't alone and that there was always someone near in case she felt like she needed some help. It was during this time that she developed a special bond with Laura. Growing up Grandma and I had a special bond and now she shared that same bond with one of my own children. After Grandma passed away I found pictures of Laura that I had given her, On the back were written the words, "my little beauty".

(Grandma and Laura, 1991.)


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My Grandma with her "boys". Carl is on the left, and my father James is on the right.

(One of the last pictures of Grandma and I, taken at Jennifer's Wedding June 1998.)

In 2000, my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer. A couple of weeks before she passed away, I made a trip to be with her while she was in the hospital. I got to say goodbye to her in my own way and my visit let her know how deeply she was loved by me. She died the day we left for vacation and I cried all the way to Kansas City. A couple of nights later I had the most vivid dream of her. In it she was smiling and was about the age she would have been when I was born. I believe it was God's way of letting me know that after her long and hard life, she was happy and home, in the arms of her Savior. She handed down to me all of the family photos and the family's history. It is she that my book is dedicated to and I am forever grateful to God, for having given her to me as my grandmother. I know that when it's my time to go be with the Lord, she will be one of the many people waiting to welcome me in!

MARRIAGE MONDAY

Join us for Marriage Monday, a public forum encouraging one another in our Christian marriages.

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This blog is normally open to invitation only but that will be disabled until Wednesday.

As the weekend progressed from Good Friday through Easter Sunday the theme that came to my mind was SACRIFICIAL LOVE. The imagery of Christ's suffering and crucifixion on our behalf, laid heavily on my mind. I don't believe there's a one of us that wouldn't willingly lay down our lives for someone they love. From the moment you first experienced the love for your spouse or held your newborn child in your arms, you were hooked! There are few things in this life that you can be dead certain about but once you've experienced this revelation, there's no turning back!

In one sense, laying down our life is actually easy, a no brainer as it were. How about laying down our desires, our wants or our dreams for someone else? That too is SACRIFICIAL LOVE and infinitely much harder to accomplish in my opinion.

One of the things that I enjoy about participating in Marriage Monday is that I get the opportunity to brag on my man. I've shared about my childhood and how I made poor choices as an adult, leading to lots of heartache. In "the game of love" I was a two time loser by the time I met Dave. He hade been a bachelor all of his 31 years until we married and then he became an instant dad to my 2 girls as well as a husband. His transition was not easy and he didn't always get it right but as in everything in his life, he's no quitter. He hung in there and all of these years and a grand total of 4 children later, I think he's qualified to give out Godly wisdom in the fatherhood department. He's the calm, level head in our relationship, the one not swayed by emotions, the logical and practical one. We blended to become a good team, providing balance to one another. I remind him that he needs to be sensitive to others and he reminds me that sometimes to REALLY love someone, you have to practice "Tough Love".

The hardest Tough Love to practice is with your own children. As a mother, I want to protect them, keep them safe even though I know that sometimes, Jesus allows us to be wounded so that we can be healed.

In 2001 we were in the midst of a Prodigal Child situation. (We are in the midst of that again with a different child but that is a post for a different time.) It was gut wrenching for me to let her go but I knew it was necessary. The hardest thing in the world is watching your child make bad decisions and knowing that there are going to be consequences for these actions. We were put into the position of giving our own child, "the boot". From there it was a downward spiral; she dropped out of college, got into debt, was involved in a bad relationship, said and did hurtful things and ultimately she found out she was pregnant. Looking back I know without a doubt, that the Holy Spirit was in charge of all that transpired. Dave had told me that like it or not, I was the bridge for her back into the family. Many were the times when the Holy Spirit guarded my tongue, infused me with supernatural strength and gave me wisdom. Being in a bad relationship meant that I would receive phone calls in the middle of the night from her with me trying to calm her (and myself) down. We knew that she couldn't continue living with this man, she needed to come home.

The one thing Dave will freely admit is that he has zero tolerance for people who lack appreciation for what they have. In all of this, he bit his tongue and we received her back home so she could heal. During her pregnancy I even suggested she consider adoption because I knew firsthand how difficult it was to be a single mother. Her boyfriend joined the military and went off to basic training. He wrote her letters telling her all of the things that a woman wants to hear. We knew we needed to wipe his slate clean and give him another chance when he gave our daughter an engagement ring.

It was during this time that Dave was offered a promotion in Chicago. In my heart I couldn't bear the thought of being away when our daughter needed us most. I also knew that I couldn't expect Dave to sacrifice this opportunity and commit what could be "suicide" in his career with the Railroad. We prayed about it, we weighed the pros and cons and quite honestly, it was a coin toss. I told him that as always, I would bide by what he thought was best for our family.

I will always remember how he came to me a couple of days later and told me that he couldn't possibly take this job in Chicago and leave our daughter here in Texas, feeling like she had no other choice but to marry the father of her child. I have always repected Dave but this sacrifice on his part, speaks volumes to his integrity!

A couple of weeks after our grand-daughter was born, her biological father showed his true colors once more and our daughter broke off the engagement. I believe that the Holy Spirit communicated to Dave that our duaghter would need us more than ever before in the days and months ahead.

Three years later Dave was offered a better promotion. He would not have been in a position to be promoted had we have moved to Chicago. This promotion also kept us here in Texas and him at headquarters in Ft Worth.

In 2 weeks, Dave and I will be keeping our 7 year old grand-daughter while her mom and stepdad are in New York City celebrating their 5th Anniversary. Our daughter is now an accomplished photographer who has nearly completed her degree and runs her own Photography business. She is beautiful, sensitive, caring, a wonderful wife and mother. She is a true blessing to us!

You would never know that our daughter is actually Dave's step-daughter.

Our Savior Jesus Christ has set the ultimate example in giving up His will and His life, taking on the penalty for our sins and sacrificed Himself as an offering on our behalf. Now THAT is SACRIFICIAL LOVE!